I found a hair..

Actually, several of them on my chin. I'm positive someone put them there. I would never approve to have hair anywhere.

I do not like little hairs on my chin. I do not like little hairs on my face. I do not like plucking them. I do not like seeing them. I do not like little hairs...

Whoever is responsible for leaving them better come back tonight and remove them.

The tweezers will be located right next to the 7 turtle wrappers, clothes and rollers laying on the floor. Please be sure to bring a maid with you too..

Warning, I cussed...

Folks, it’s been a busy week here in wack a-- Virginia. I swear sometimes living here feels like I'm on punishment EVERYDAY!! If this week was my mom, she would be lecturing while i sit screaming internally "BEAT ME NOW!!" just to get it over with.

This week started with a mission; the mission was: MORE ME TIME Or, more specifically: Keeping Charli at bay.

Funny enough, that mission really turned out to be a mission impossible. Oddly enough, I feel like I've been in a real life holiday song. Humming to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas.

"On the first day of this week my work day gave to me... "

- too much sh*t to do!

On the second day of this week my work day gave to me...

- 2 carrot cakes, and too much sh*t to do!

On the third day of this week my work day will give to me...

-3 middle fingers, 2 carrot cakes and too much sh*t to do!

It would be CRAZY for you to think that Charli didn't emerge from the shadows like Old dirty bastard in his music videos. She took to that free carrot cake like it was an all you can eat buffet. Just nasty with it...and had the audacity to eat a 300 calorie Lean Cuisine steam bag like it was a snack.

Life would be so simple without temptation. Yet, since there's a bunch of Charli supporters (haters)... I shall continue to weather the storm. Just know... I will prevail!!!

Confession #2

I just ate a pop tart. Microwaved it and enjoyed it. I could have went for something more healthier but I was completely blindsided when I looked at all the work I had to do today. My friend, W.Cares came to visit and it was a wrap!!

Yes, ma'am.. Yes, sir!!

Introducing... Charli

For those who don't know me, I like to follow an unpremeditated theme. On good days I choose food as a medium to explore w/ no restrictions and on bad days I just don't care. I believe that the very nature of a self professed foodie is unplanned. The amazing part of all is watching it unfold and evolve into an unpredictable, free and unknown chapter within my life. If I choose a certain type of food, then it is usually a connection between my desires, feelings and emotions that make a spontaneous outburst. FEED ME!!

I'm totally attracted to spontaneity although I'm married to Mr. Igottahavea Plan. While many may choose other resources as a means of communicating their deep desires and feelings, I chose food instead. I believe this is how "Charli" was born. What began as a means of communicating my innermost feelings a few years back, soon became my most hated but favorite friend... My inner fat girl.

Emergency exits

Ok, ok,  I have an inner fat girl. I met her while vacationing in my basement. She emerged like Seymour from the movie, " little shop of horror". FEED ME!!!  Something inside me broke and let's just say cellulite and my little muffin top was born.
  
As i sit here on this stale smelling bus, surrounded by all these people.. I have come to the conclusion that all foods good or bad need to be eaten, enjoyed, talked about and disciplined. My motto is just let it all hang out and see if it comes back to you... Lmao!!! Ok, I kidd!! But I'm sure that's what you all are thinking anyway.

Am I not alone in my weirdness? Would another weirdo please raise your hand?!?! I can't be the only one reaching for the emergency exit but falling short by the beauty of a cupcake or the burn of an iced cold Dr. Pepper (say what)

Conclusion: 

 I've decided to add a new addition to my blog that allows you to see my quirks called 'Confessions"  They are there for you to hopefully laugh at, find that you  relate to and or just nod your head and keep your comments to yourself. So here is my 1st official entry

 #1 confession 

My inner fattiness has a name...

So, i gave her a name since she is sensitive and doesn't like to be referred to as (whisper)  fat.... Therefore, i named her Charli.  I think Charli misbehaved this weekend as she scarfed down a pancake sized hash-brown, steak and egg whites, and a Red velvet Belgium waffle drizzled with a cream cheese sauce at the Terrace Cafe while visiting my dear Aunt Valeries. Whom I should say fell off the wagon too..  Oh and shout out to my Cuzzo Mo... He's the serial plate cleaner. Spotted right next to Charli getting it in. 

So back to Aunt Valeries.. she introduced me to the wonderful world of a 100 calorie pack. It's a tease in a flattering package. I thought it sounded like a good suggestion but I'm not sure how Charli would cooperate with this... She would be grounded from all the other things she loves that aren't in favor of that thought.. And that makes her unhappy.

I mean this girl who lives deep inside of me eats like food is running away and will never be found again. I'm in desperate need of an emergency exit. 

Oink... Excuse me!

Stand back, mere mortals. You are about to encounter a sandwich that is not meant for the meagre constitutions of wimpy humans. This is food for giants, food for the bad, the bold, THE HUNGRY!!! This is a sandwich with so much pig on it, if Noah opened a BBQ stand on his ark, he’d still have nothing on this. We’re talking 1 Pig, 2 pig 3 pig, 4 and then more.

This pig is dressed with a spicy, crunchy Cole slaw- laced with a dipping sauce that runs down your arm with glee. Sandwiched between 2 hot buns and 3 crispy hush puppies-hard and savory on the outside with a soft cake center.

It was love at first bite... And then again at second. I must admit, even Charli couldn't conquer this beast. After 5 bites, I wiped my mouth and threw my napkin- calling a personal foul on the play. How dare the Carter brothers in Highpoint N.C. (that's the name of the restaurant) not warn me?!?

My round belly demands a recount.. Well maybe tomorrow.

Please pass the donuts...

..so, the fashion whore in me decided to wear my brand new, 5" stilettos to work today. Feeling good about my choice, my boss comes into my office and says, "you know, they have a name for those type of shoes?" I replied, "and that is?" the next three words spit from her mouth like a bug running from a shoe..." F@ck me pumps!" she said. My confidence instantly shrunk to a midget size height as her words rang in my head. As I sat in disbelief, my mind begin to wonder... Is there some truth to the ignorance that flowed so freely from her mouth or do we as females have it all wrong when it comes to style and fashion in the work place?

In my mind, I was juggling three balls on that comment.

Ball 1: My intial reaction was to question the comment "f@ck me pumps" and ask why she would think my shoes resemble a pair of cheap, patent leather, no names- that pamela Anderson's may have thrown in her closet some where?

Ball 2: Bring some clarification to the difference between "f@ck me pumps" and that of which looked so perfect on my size 8's.

Ball 3: or expose the truth and explain how they are a prop to tonights show... Hehe!

All and all, ignorance is bliss. Fashion comes in all shapes and sizes. Should one judge a person by the style of her shoe or by the way she wears it? Sounds stupid right?!?! Just think how I felt when she said it.